Ignorance

I should have known what was best for me. I was so blinded by this whole fantasy, i stopped using my eyes. I forget the facts.
I guess deep down inside i was waiting. I knew it was coming, i ignored the signs, let myself enter this imagination of what could have been.
It is all but just an imagination, temporary. So why am i wasting my time?
I can't deny that i was happy, but why stay when its almost all gone.

Grow up

So i realised something, that i'm pretty much over protective. Of myself mostly. But is it my fault? I mean. I've gone through the same thing way too many times to let myself fall down and have myself pick me up again.

But maybe for you i'm willing to take the risk though i know it might be the hardest.

The best thing is, i still look at you and feel the same way i did, oh so many months ago.

I'm not the kind who writes down my feelings. This is pretty amazing, even to me.

I'm just updating my blog because i dnt really have anything else to do. So... here.

Anyway, its kinda sad to see that i have only 1 post every month. I have been busy.

This weekend, i'm jammed packed. I got to do some stupid scrapbook plus i've got to finish up my sketchbooks since everythings gonna be submitted by the end of this semester.

I need a fucking new laptop. I feel guilty asking my parents but i dnt knw where to get that kind of money.

I'm kinda really tired right now. I'd like to wake him up and ask him to go home but i just can't you know. He's tired. I'll wake him up later.

Decisions are sometimes hard, but necessary.

So, i've been thinking lately. About me. And others have told me too. Telling me, i can't always be at a halt.

I've decided that perhaps, being alone might not be that bad. I've survived for the past 2 years and i should be able to survive for the next few years.

Yet again, chances are to be given and reality is i'm not 16. I am still young, i'm still 18, perhaps a little more matured? So should i not think this through thoroughly? No one is perfect but still, can't i have better? I am only 18. Is it wrong for me to think that way? Maybe i'm not that pretty. Maybe, i dnt have that stunning body, but i am young. And i havent live long enough to see the fishes in this weirdly enormous ocean.

Though tomorrow might be my last day, at least i know i've tried my best. Perhaps, i should have put in my time and effort in something more guaranteed. But i am about taking risks.

Don't take this personally.

They are... Just... My thoughts.

Life in the unfab lane.

So i havent had much time to update my blog. My blog is pretty much dead. I dnt even think anyone still comes here... So... I dont really know why its still here.

Anyway, I really just wanted to let things out.

I'm having my period, so i'm a little cranky, a little too sensitive and maybe a little too touchy. But i'm really cranky, and i just want to let it out on someone. But i'm really controlling myself and its really exhausting constantly feeling this way. Seriously.

Plus being in design course isn't really a walk in the park. I'm having projects every week. Its tiresome and my back hurts.

Sometimes, he doesn't understand ya knw. Like he just doesnt understand. Its hard to explain. I just feel like shit. It might be my period. But still.

We are young

So i got into SP like last last week. My first day was on a thursday. What kind of person starts school on a thursday. Anyway, my classmates theyre okay. But theyre forcing me to like study and everything since theyre no fun at all. I mean, when i went into design school, i had this perception that design students are like havoc people you know. Imagine my disappointment.

Anyway, assignments and projects are piling up and i have to put in my 100% effort since every assignment is like an exam since we dnt have actual exams.

But its fun. Everyday is an art lesson.

Okay im too busy bye.

It wasn't supposed to turn out this way

So i havent updated in forever.
Came back from Bali last friday. And i will never get tired of saying how fun bali was. Its a whole different society there, one that has been misunderstood. The people there are great and you think that going out at night is dangerous but really, its as dangerous as Singapore. Except maybe they're target you since you're tourist but usually they'll go for the angmohs.

Anyway, havent been working much the past few days. I think i got too used to life in bali.

Right now, i should be worrying about my portfolio which is not progressing at all. Maybe i have 1 or 2 pieces, the most 2 pieces of art work. But i've got 8 more to go and i dnt have alot of time. Looks like i have to cut down on work, cut down on going out.

This is stressful. And looking at everyone else going to school especially those in SP... Its depressing the shit out of me.
These days, i have a lot to be depressed about. And quite frankly, i don't think anyone really understands.

It's friday and i feel like having some fun.

Alone at 12

So since my little sister's laptop is on right now, i shall update my long dead blog.
So i went out with my dear dear afiqah, who i have not seen for like a week now. it may seem short for some but it feels real long for me. We caught the movie remember me which was the worst movie ever i must add. The ending was shit and i am unhappy.

Oh, i got rejected by SP by the way, hopefully my appeal letter will shock and awe them and they'll be forced to take me because of my pitifulness.

I applied for a few private school as well. They're kind of my plan B. I'm supposed to do a portfolio to get into La Salle and take a test to get into nafa. I have never felt so unwanted in my entire life.

Right now, i'm tired and emotional for a lot of reasons. I'm stressed and undecided. I feel like shit. The movie i watched just now didnt make me feel any better. I should have caught a comedy instead of a depressing movie.
I'm waiting for something and that something surely is taking its time. I should go wash up and get some rest maybe star planning my portfolio. Lets not waste any more time.

OH BALI IS IN 2 WEEKS PEOPLE AND I-AM-EXCITED. All you losers would be in singapore and i'll be surfing the waves of bali... or not. Maybe i'll just watch. I dnt like slimy wet things that are in the ocean, like fishes and SHARKS. You knw SHARKS. SHARKS like in jaws which eat people or bite off parts of their body. So i'll just stay where its safe.
I'm a pussy, whatever.