Pour them

My diary got lost somewhere in the many boxes that i have to get shipped over to the new house. And i need to let it all out and this is the only place i could. Since its already dead anyway, i can prolly write anything i want. Maybe not in detail but at least in my mind it is.
So my hamster got a little bigger since he bought it for me. I think i feed him too much, i mean i rather have a fat hamster that a skinny bones gray hamster.
Actually its no use. Cause i really need to like write everything down but i cant cause im thinking about the people who might or might not read this blog. I NEED MY DIARY!
Oh i need a new diary. My current one is running out of pages and my brain is overloading with things no one else should know but me and maybe this other certain someone who likes to secretly take it when he's over.
Anyway, im just hoping that i'll have a good dream tonight. Maybe something kinky. Which i dont usually dream about... Not saying that i do...
BYE

Security Issues

I'm a very paranoid person. My thoughts, they wonder to the unknown and it bothers me. Sometimes im just afraid it might actually happen. So really, I'm afraid of myself. And i dont want to be anymore. I only hope that he is going to help me.

Thats all it takes

All it took was for me to be alone.
Today, i just thought i needed some time for myself. And it really did help. I always thought i hated being alone. But thinking about it, i'm alone most of the time. In my mind i am. So really, it isnt that bad if you actually think about it.
I'm tired actually. I doing this post just so i can practice on my english. HAHAHA. OKAY BYE

Its just me, me and only me.

I've spent too much time obsessing over you and i'm tired. I'm tired of trying to save us over and over again. This is me giving up because i dont have the strength anymore to hold the cracks.
I know i'm more but i'm not anymore and i'll bet you'll just right into the sack.

Go for the gold

I'm afraid its less. Now, more than ever. What am i supposed to do?

You me. You and me, We're all i need.

I've come to realization, how my life has spiraled into this unknowingly, inconsistent however straight line. I see now that i have only been afraid. It's okay to feel incredibly happy for once. And i'm too afraid to be feeling that because then i'll be punished. I'll be punished because i dont deserve this happiness. I really don't. But for once, i want to let go. Just imagine myself on endless green pastures. Lying down on the grass, looking up into the blue sky without having the sun to blind you. Rolling on the ground and find yourself laughing. You sit up and you see flowers, they happen to be your favourite, sunflowers. You run into them and find that the flowers are so big and they're almost the same height as you and you pluck one and smell the joy, you could not have been more happier.
Sometimes i find myself staring at a distance, daydreaming about my simple joys.
The other day i was lying in bed, i was crying, because i never realised how much this person meant to me.
So to my 2 dearest people in the whole wide world, you make everyday bearable for me. And I love you so much.

Bothered

I've sat here for 10 minutes, writing, backspacing then writing again. Frankly, i don't know what to say.
So let me be honest for once.
The compromises i make, the sacrifices, does not equal to yours. The things i do for you, materialistic or not, does not equal to yours. The time i put in to make this work, to make you happy, does not equal to yours.
So tell me now. Are we equal?
Do i deserve you, or do you deserve me?
I'm not happy, i'm not even contented.
So tell me now. Has it been worth it?
I'm done trying. I'm done crying.
I'm done.